An Explanation of my Madness, and the Resulting Insanity!

  Okay,  so let's begin by laying the foundation,  because how can one begin to build a castle on the sand? Let's dive in...
     April 30th, 1958 in Toronto Ontario, Canada Marcel and Helen Smets have their third (3rd) child "Fernanda Renee' Smets". The joy or their newborn is short lived, because immediately after delivery the doctors note a problem... This baby can't breathe, so she is placed in an incubator,  while her grandfather fills out the birth certificate. Becoming confused "G.G." (What my mom called her grandfather) accidentally begins to put the date where the first name SHOULD go, so even though Fernanda was the name agreed upon this simple misplaced date makes my mom's legal name April Renee' Fernanda Smets... The complcation of the incubator causes more problems... Due to the fact that the doctors didn't KNOW that the amount of oxygen being pumped in around the baby destroys 95% of her vision... As a result my mom is written off as a dullard for the first thirteen (13) years of her life, until a vison screening reveals that she can only see to the tip of her nose... she explained to me once that she was a teenager before she discovered... "That trees had bark on their trunks and that the top was comprised of MANY separate leaves, not jut one big blob" She also went from failing all her academic subjects, and being held back, to being placed on the dean's list and placed in "Gifted" courses.
     At six-teen (16) 1976 (round about, I believe) my grandparents packed all four of their kids, and Henry their wiener dog into a red 1966 convertible Ford Mustang, and begin to drive to south Florida, where they begin their new life in a BEAUTIFUL tropical climate.  My mom and her siblings are enrolled into South Broward High School,  where my mom graduated with honors.   At the age of nine-teen (19) April decided to purchase het own home.  She chooses 2119 Scott street,  in Hollywood Florida.  For the next five years my mom survives on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,  hot dogs, and water... She also acquired a room-mate to help make the house payments. (During that time Krazy Kat adopts my mom one day while she is eating a hot dog in her bedroom with the window open)
     At SOME-POINT between 20, and 25 she meets my sperm donor (I guess I'm SUPPOSED to call him my father,  but we'll just call him "Jim", who is something like four years younger than my mom, AND jim AND his entire "Family" (Due to these MONSTERS, I am pretty much un-able to grasp the concept of traditional "Family", even to this day) live within two (2) blocks of April' s home.
     When my mom was 26 (1984), she and Jim were married... In December of 1986 April learns that she is pregnant... She was over-joyed... Jim was excited for a son... BUT, as we can all tell, I was defiant and decided that since Jim didn't WANT and would not Love or even accept a daughter,  I mande a "Conscious decision" (in utero none the less) to be the girl he NEVER WANTED... "JUST TO DISAPPOINT" him... Obviously a baby's gender is determined my the fetus' own choice, and NOT the timing of fertilization, OR the GENES delivered my the sperm.... I did it, consciously,  defiantly!
     That brings us to August 15, 1987... Mom had worked at Hertz rent a car until August 12th (wearing an XXL blue mechanic's shirt because she no longer could fit her standard uniform, and the company did not offer a maternity uniform...) Any way on the 15th Jim left for work at 8am, Mom went into labor at 8:30 am... Being the eighties jim didn't have a mobile phone... He had a CB radio in the tow truck... Anyway,  my mom's parents were in Tampa, but began heading home when their daughter called them and told them it was time. Jim's "Family" on the other hand... Was TWO(2) BLOCKS AWAY, but they told April that she must have gas or heart burn, and IF she really thought she had an emergency,  that she could WALK to their house and WAIT for Jim to get off of work (between 5-10pm) because they weren't going to interrupt their son while he was working just because April was pregnant, and over reacting... So, my Mom waited... Until JUST before 10pm when jim stumbled through the door drunk... When he FINALLY agreed to take my Mom to the hospital,  he crashed his car into the fence next to the drive-way. So, after 14 hours of labor, PATIENTLY waiting for her husband to be physically present for the birth of their first child, April drove herself and jim to the hospital... I was over-due so my mom's doctor was on call, but also out of town... So, my mom had no choice but to have me delivered by someone she had never met,  but was on premess Once they arrived at the hospital, the complications continued. .. I wanted to be born ear first. Each time I tried to crown. However,  as soon as my mom would stop pushing,  I would be sucked right back into her birth canal... The umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck three times... Mom said what happened next was a result of that last complcation,  and shift change at the hospital being midnight,  either way... The doctor ordered an emergency C-section... so, after four-teen (14) hours of labor at home with NO pain meds, ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT, and a drunk asshole who couldn't even drive her to the hospital... At 11:56pm August 15, 1987 (After a GRAND TOTAL of fifteen and a half (15.5) hours of labor) April finally gave birth to her daughter "Farrah" (like Farrah Faucet)... but, jim filled out the paperwork,  and he wanted all his kids names to start with a "J" like his... so while mom was recovering from surgery... jim named me Jennifer... and gave me a last name that has brought nothing but trouble. .. and that has set the tone for every other contribution to my life.