Further proof that Nick wants my mind to completely devide

So my Knight in shining Armor.... is a rusted pile of scrap. and his White Horse is a Unicorn. Ok, so like the last post says Nick and I aren't and haven't been together for like two months alright, here's the crazy thing though. So, he broke up with me and told me that he gave up..... He couldn't trust me......I'm spirling out of control and just as I get to my worst he's come to save me again.... I hope I've begged for it I wont deny that fact but I I'm so confused right now.....
We .... yea I'm gonna start the 13th at 3:15 when I began to get what turned out to be 39 calls from Nick before he came to pick me up and I drove him to his house because he was too drunk to drive. Then Friday I made him rice crispy treats and we were gonna go out but here in south Florida there's just so damn much police activity.... It's safest to drink at home so we went to his house and talked for a little while. Saturday ...OOOO... ok, so Saturday I go to shoot pool with nick and he takes me out to Billy's in miami and none of his friends know that we're not together. They all called me his girlfriend he didn't protest and he held me.... it's just the way that he treated me and the things that he said to me that made me cry two of the three times but ... i spent yesterday and last night with him

Nicholas and My Confusion

Nick left me two months ago and we have been at war ever since. He and I fight about pictures, words, my life, his un-willingness to swallow his pride and admit that he still Loves me which I can tell he does. He tells me not to push my luck but we woke up two or three times to do some sort of sex act. He was really rough although he said he wasn't and then he complains about being raw this morning. I begged to be made Love to all Night. I don't need to be savagely assaulted... He held me so tight when I told him to hold me like he Loved me and I swear when in the middle of the night when I asked if he was still in Love with me he nodded... I want to be with Nick so badly and there is nothing I can do to change that. I told him he was the new Jesse because everything I do revolves around him and what he'll think or say about whatever I do. I Love him and I just want him to be happy with me.