All that for.... What?!?!?

OK, So yesterday was Nicks day off and we did the errands that he wanted to do by noon so he.... err... We went to get a new radio. The other had died on New Years. I under stand his frustration but I wish that he weren't so aggressive about it.
He asked me last night, what would I do if he didn't come back... I don't know what I would do... He asked that, if I hadn't heard from him in a year would i then contact his mom or dad but the logical situation seems to me that I should keep in touch with his family through the duration of his deployment. I asked him what would happen when he did come back.... His future plans had no mention of me, maybe it's a sign but I'm wiling to fight it and try to keep our future together in a stable place..... While he's gone I GOTTA get a job and save money. When he gets back if I don't have a place for him to come home to I need to be in a position to put us in a comfortable home with at least a dog or something. He told me yesterday morning that what ended up on my back was only half of what there was... I don't know if that is what happened, but I could accept and embrace it if anything happens as a result. I Love Nick with all my heart.
today is the 2nd anniversary of my divorce... two days ago would have been my third wedding anniversary. I spent the seventh with Nicks mom, I called Nick as soon as Jesse called me and I didn't call Jesse back like I hold him that I would... He said that he was worried because Nick or I or something called him on New years(when the radio"died" and the car was assaulted) It took 7 days for him to call my phone back to check on me.... But that would have been our anniversary..... It's depressing. Instead I was with talking to and thinking about Nick. A little over three years ago I thought that I had found the person that I was going to spend my life with.... But then that person died(inside) The person that I was left with did NOTHING..... but drugs... Two years ago I decided that I would NEVER marry for Love again. I lived my life decently (all while becoming more and more depressed) for a year and a half and then, July 1st 2008 I decided to take the biggest gamble of my life. Honestly it was one part intoxication,one part bravery,and Big part stupid blind trust, I could have died that night(I could have died many nights but those would have been "accidental") Anyhow, I got home that night and even though the asshole that I am I dumped him on his birthday(my birthday), because he wouldn't be my boyfriend.... We got back together and now I hope that we're both doing better than we were before we got together... And now there's the Deployment issue..... I took a risk and I want to follow through with it. I hope it's not too soon to admit it but I'd Love to marry and start a family with Nick. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me. He has shown me what my life can be and what I can do... I truthfully hope that I can make him as happy as he makes me.
This blog was supposed to be about how we waited all day for the radio to be replaced and now that it is he can watch movies or hook up his phone to the radio and he can load 1 disk at a time vs. the 6 that we used to be able to choose from oh and now the "High Definition" radio... Who knows why it doesn't work. The bottom line... it doesn't. Last night he did A LOT of complaining about the radio, which I tried to qualm to no avail..... oh well this was the time I was supposed to be napping..... at least I put it to good use... NOT!